During this past hot season, I attended 14 different 'kɔnyɔnw' (wedding ceremonies) in varying capacities. In a previous post, I described my role in my friend Daouda's wedding to his first wife, Sarata. Since that wedding, I served once again as a 'kɔnyɔnbɛna' in my friend Sheni's wedding, and through this experience and the other subsequent weddings, I continued to learn more and more about the many traditions that make up a 'kɔnyɔn.'
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| The 'dununw' (traditional drumming) during Sheni's 'kɔnyɔn.' |
Day 1
'Wulafɛ' (Late Afternoon)
The Slaughter of the Cow
Prior to the festivities getting under way, a 'misi' (cow) is slaughtered in order to provide the meat for the subsequent meals. Men from across the village come with knives and hatchet-type tools to assist in the carnage of peeling away the skin, mashing meat from bone, and separating the meat, fat, and organs for food. Each man present walks away with a small pile of meat which he can take back to his family to add to their dinner. Most of the meat, however, goes with the 'kɔnyɔncɛ's (groom's) family, who will be preparing the meals throughout the 'kɔnyɔn.'
The Wedding ('furusiri')
Prior to Sheni's 'kɔnyɔn,' I was taken to participate in his 'furusiri,' which is the actual wedding. I walked with Bokari and Nba, the other two 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw,' over to Alimami's, the leading 'cɛkɔrɔba's (elder man) concession by the mosque within Katilɛla, Sheni's 'kin' (region of the village).
Once there, Bokari handed the elder a large bag of 'wɔrɔ' (kola nuts) and a smaller bag of many 10 CFA coins. After chatting for a little while, the elder led us down to an area in front of the 'dugutigi's (chief of the village) concession, where the rest of the 'cɛkɔrɔbaw' were currently assembling. Alimami gave the kola nuts and money to the other 'cɛkɔrɔbaw,' who then proceeded to count them to verify the right price was paid.
One man then got up and distributed the kola nuts to everyone assembled, then gave every man one of the small coins. A 'cɛkɔrɔba' then led a muslim prayer, mentioning the names of the groom and the bride. We all cupped our hands and made the motion of washing our faces as each prayer was said.
During the prayer, women began arriving with bowls of 'kini ni tiga dɛgɛ na' (rice and peanut sauce). After the prayer, we all sat down around bowls to eat communally. I was happy to see that my friend Daouda, who is on our Water and Sanitation Committee, actually brought a bar of soap for us to use! That's progress, little-by-little.
Alimami then called for Bokari, Nba, and I to rejoin him in his concession, where he gave us brief instruction on our task for the night, blessed us, and told me that I will roll on the ground tonight. This is something that I had been told by all of the men and women prior to both my stints as a 'kɔnyɔnbɛna.' That in order for the wife to be released into our custody, one of us, in this case me, must roll in the dirt.
'Sufɛ' (Night)
There is variation from village-to-village, and even from wedding-to-wedding, on the musical events within the ceremony. Depending upon the groom's age, whether this is his first wife, and financial considerations, each wedding may have a 'shɛni', a 'dununw,' both, or neither. Fortunately, most of the weddings in my village had both, which made the ceremonies a whole lot of fun, and that is what I will describe here.
The 'Shɛni' ('radioba' or big radio dance party)
After everyone eats dinner, the 'zɛnasi' ('dɛnmisɛnw'/youth organization consisting of approximately everyone under the age of 30) begin to set up for the 'shɛni,' which is organized and run fully by the 'zɛnasi.' The group sets up a circle of chairs, which form a dirt dance floor in the center. Along this circle is a table with radio equipment, and a couple of large speakers. At 9PM sharp, the festivities begin.
I have been pleasantly surprised by the organizational capabilities of the 'zɛnasi.' For one, last year they raised a large amount of money to purchase this stereo equipment. Additionally, they enforce fines on its' members for such violations as failing to attend, failing to arrive prior to 9PM, and failing to dance if called upon. Some of these violations can seem a little ridiculous, but it is impressive in the context of village-life, where such enforcement is normally unheard of. They are keen on enforcing attendance in order to ensure that every 'kɔnyɔn' is well attended out of respect.
The DJ's for the night begin by calling out the names of the people that did not arrive on-time, and are thus subject to fines. People in the audience can call out explanations, such as if the person is sick. They then announce a group of about 4 young men who, armed with sticks, are responsible for crowd control. Normally they do not strike anyone with these, but threaten children who begin to encroach upon the dance circle by beating the ground, causing them to flee.
They then begin to play approximately 3 or 4 minute African club/dance music, which for the most part hail from Côte d'Ivoire. There are only about 10 songs, and they skip between them, playing each about 5 to 10 times throughout the night.
The friends of the groom are called up to dance first, then are groups of friends, each given a group name. Often times, the groups dance in two lines facing each other, often men in one line and women in another. They dance separately, then move forward such that the two lines pass through each other.
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| The 'shɛni' during Sheni's and Badama's weddings. Both weddings occurred jointly within our village in seperate 'kinw' (neighborhoods). |
Throughout the night, the crowd is provided with 'furanw' (small charcoal grills) and tea settings. A huge bowl of instant coffee is also made and served to the crowd, sharing about 5 cups. I found that I needed these refreshments - it was a particularly long night.
But around 11PM, they begin their main event. Men and women volunteer to each choose a slip of paper with a number at random. Normally about 20 people decide to participate. Once this event begins, the DJ calls up each number at once. When your number is called, you are to get up onto the dance floor, select a song with the DJ, then, as the crowd chants 'jɛniba' (which loosely means select the person of the opposite sex that is good to you), you must pull someone of the opposite sex from the crowd to dance with.
Usually the other person gets up to dance a bit reluctantly, but there are no issues. On occasion, a woman is selected which has no desire to dance. They try to force her up, but if she bails, she has to actually pay a fine!
The couple then begins to dance, usually a good distance apart. But shortly, the crowd begins to chant 'A minɛ!' (Catch her!), calling for the man to close in on the woman and grind on her. Nothing too risqué in the context of an American club, but I was rather surprised to see it in my small African village. Once this happens, the crowd cheers wildly, and my friend Dara, who I have nicknamed 'Spaz,' runs along the perimeter, does backflips and cartwheels, and often runs into people as he returns to his seat.
During Sheni's wedding, when 'Number 4' was called up, an attractive woman of about 18, named Madɛ, got up. As she looked through the crowd, my friends began chanting 'Maliki minɛ!' (Catch Maliki!), and sure enough, she came over to me shyly, grabbed my arm, and pulled me up.
So I had a decision to make... have some fun or play it conservatively and ensure I do not offend the elders that could be watching in the background. We began dancing apart, then side-by-side, then playfully teasing each other by inching together as the crowd chanted 'A minɛ!' I have to admit, I got a little more carried away than I had wanted to, but not approaching what many of the Malians were doing. The crowd loved it, and the whole event was actually a lot of fun.
The 'kɔnyɔncɛ' (groom)
The 'kɔnyɔncɛ' is allowed to attend the 'shɛni,' but at 1AM is ushered over to the 'kɔnyɔnso' (a small mud house which serves as the 'kɔnyɔncɛ's home during the ceremonies), where he must stay inside until 'wulafɛ' (late afternoon) of the following day. Therefore, he is not allowed to experience the rest of the events outside.
The 'dununw' (traditional drumming)
Around 1AM, the 'shɛni' ends and the 'dununw,' or traditional drumming, begins in a nearby concession. The band normally includes a ‘jɛli(w)’ (griot(s)/singer(s), normally female) and a band of traditional drummers, consisting of a large circular drum called a ‘dunun’ played bare-handed, and two smaller djembés played with a stick in one hand and the bare palm of the other.
For Sheni's wedding, Bokari, Nba, and I had work to do during the night, which I will get to in the next section. But as we were waiting, I was chatting and drinking tea with several friends of mine. I asked Dara if we were going to dance with the women at the 'dununw' tonight. So he said how about now, and we got up and walked over to the 'dununw.'
We joined the circle of women and began dancing, but this time, the two female singers just stopped dead and laughed hysterically at the sight of me. Aye!
Within the post on Daouda's wedding, I described a dance that they used to close out the 'dununw' as a drunken stooper, and I stand by that assessment. What I learned later is that this dance is specific to the Katilɛ family, of which there are many in my village and in the region as a whole. Only those weddings involving a Katilɛ will perform this dance.
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| The end of the 'Katilɛ' dance in a neighboring village. The drunken stooper I've previously described leads into a fun leaping frenzy, pictured here. Unfortunately I missed getting a picture of the stooper, as I was having too much fun imitating them, dancing. |
The 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' and 'stealing' of the wife
My experience as a 'kɔnyɔnbɛna' during Daouda's wedding was not fully traditional due to the mayhem which ensued in taking a 'mobili' (vehicle) as opposed to a 'wɔtɔrɔ' (donkey cart). (Within that post I mixed up 'kɔnyɔnbɛna' and 'kɔnyɔncɛ.' 'Koyoncɛ' simply signifies the friends of the groom which sit with him throughout the wedding. I was actually a hybrid between the two for his wedding.) The ceremony was hurried due to women fighting for a free ride from the wife's village to the ceremony in our village.
For Sheni's wedding, however, I did experience all of the tradition. His wife happened to be from our same village, so we didn't have to travel a great distance. Normally, at around 1AM, the 'kɔnyɔnmuso' (wife) is led into the center of her village by female friends and family members. At that time, the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' take their donkey cart to meet them.
Bokari, Nba, and I, however, ended up waiting until about 3:45AM before we received word that we should head down. So we set up the 'wɔtɔrɔ,' laying a mattress across the back, and rode it down into the center of town.
Once we got there, a gathering of women were there, surrounding the 'kɔnyɔnmuso,' who was shrouded from head-to-toe in white cloth. They were all howling the traditional siren-sounding cry. However, there was another wedding in the village on this day, and this was the other wedding party.
Shortly, a couple of other men raced up in another 'wɔtɔrɔ.' They got out as the women began yelling for them to roll on the ground. One of the men then dropped to the dirt, laying down, and quickly rolled into the women like a bowling ball. He then got right up, the men quickly grabbed the 'kɔnyɔnmuso,' threw her in the back of the 'wɔtɔrɔ' on the mattress, and sped away. I was thankful that I got to see what to expect before it was our turn.
We continued to wait, as the 4AM call to prayer began at the nearby mosque, signaling the new day. I was exhausted. Finally, about 20 minutes later, our group of women arrived. They all began yelling at me that if I don't roll on the ground, they will not give us the 'kɔnyɔnmuso.' Bokari argued that since they kept us waiting for so long, no one was rolling on the ground. But I decided, what the hell, I can do it. So I dropped to the ground, rolled towards the women, and got up to help Bokari and Nba pick up the 'kɔnyɔnmuso' and toss her on the mattress in our 'wɔtɔrɔ.'
Normally, we would then make the trip to the 'kɔnyɔncɛ's village, but in this case they were one in the same. So we rode on for about 20 yards, laid out a white cloth to the side of the road, and helped the 'kɔnyɔnmuso' onto it, sitting indian-style, where she would wait with a couple of the women who followed us for the 'kɔnyɔncɛ's mother to arrive and lead her back to her house, where she must stay until the following 'wulafɛ' (late afternoon).
Day 2
The 'kɔnyɔncɛw' (the groom and his 'best men')
As I mentioned above, the groom must stay inside the 'kɔnyɔnso' up until the late afternoon. Throughout the day, people can come in to greet him. His best friends, the 'kɔnyɔncɛw,' keep him company inside the house for the whole day. Therefore, for Daouda's wedding, I actually served as a 'kɔnyɔnbɛna' only at night. During the day, I was actually a 'kɔnyɔncɛ.'
Feastin'
Food is provided by the groom's family to everyone who attends the wedding. The 'kɔnyɔncɛw' are served within the 'kɔnyɔnso.' Traditionally, a breakfast of 'kini ni tiga dɛgɛ na ni misi sɔgɔ' (rice, peanut sauce, and beef) and a lunch of 'tɔ pasalɛn ni misi sɔgɔ' (the traditional millet dish with green sauce and beef) is served communally. Food is also served to those who stick around for dinner, as well as those who visit the couple throughout the following week during meal times.
'Sogomadafɛ' (Morning)
The 'kɔnyɔndenw' (the 'kɔnyɔnmuso's family), the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw,' and the goat
I was able to experience this tradition from both sides. During Sheni's wedding, as the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw,' Bokari, Nba, and I basically served the wife's family, known as the 'kɔnyɔndenw,' all day. During subsequent weddings in other villages, where the bride came from our village, I sat as a 'kɔnyɔndencɛ.'
The women of the wife's family (the 'kɔnyɔndenmusow') and the men of the wife's family (the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw') are each given two separate houses in the groom's village to spend the day at.
The 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' began their day by going to the groom's family and taking one of their goats. They then lead this goat to the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw,' where the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw' must approve of it. Traditionally, the first two goats are rejected, until finally the third one, normally larger than the others, is accepted. The 'kɔnyɔndencɛw' say that this goat 'has arrived,' and send the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' on to the 'kɔnyɔndenmusow' to show the goat to the women, who must also approve of it.
Once both sides approve of the goat, the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' take it back to the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw' who then slaughter it. They begin grilling up some of the meat to enjoy on the spot, while the rest of the meat is given to the women of the groom's family to cook for them and serve with lunch. Being a 'kɔnyɔnden' is a very enjoyable position - I have never eaten more meat in Mali then I did during these events. It was almost as much meet as an Outback Special.
There is, however, a few parts of the goat that the 'kɔnyɔndenw' cannot enjoy. The goat's head, legs, penis, and testicles are given to the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' to cook up and eat the following day. No joke.
'Tilɛfɛ' (Early afternoon)
The 'dununw' (traditional drumming)
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| The 'dununw' during Sheni's 'kɔnyɔn.' |
Another rendition of the traditional drumming generally occurs early afternoon the following day. It usually takes place for a couple of hours in the same manner that it does at night.
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| The 'dununw' during a 'kɔnyɔn' in a neighboring village. |
During the day, the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' must serve the needs of the 'kɔnyɔndenw.' If the latter run out of tea or coffee, the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' are beckoned to replenish their supplies.
Also part of the duties involves the gifts given to the new couple. These gifts appear to be standard for every wedding, purchased by the groom's family. They generally include such household items as rugs, metal water fetching buckets, wooden 'susufɛnw' (millet-pounding equipment), chairs, a wall clock, a tacky painted wooden dresser, fabric, and dishes. Initially, these gifts are gathered together in a nearby concession.
The 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' then must load up these gifts into a 'wɔtɔrɔ' (donkey cart), and take it over to show the 'kɔnyɔndenmusow.' But this involves actually unloading it all at the 'kɔnyɔndenmusow's house in order to allow them to peruse it on their own time. Later on in the afternoon, the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' must return to again pack the stuff up in the 'wɔtɔrɔ' and take it to the new house the groom built for the wife.
The 'bolomafara'
Every man in the village, as well as any man arriving from another village who knows the groom, traditionally gives a financial gift known as the 'bolomafara.' Each man generally gives either 500 CFA or 1,000 CFA (approximately $1 or $2). Three notebooks are kept by three different people - one for the village's 'cɛkɔrɔbaw,' one for the 'dɛnmisɛnw,' and one for those who arrived from other villages.
Each person's name is recorded next to the amount of their gift. Once all is said and done, the 'dɛnmisɛnw' actually sift through the names to verify that every 'dɛnmisɛn' in the village paid a 'bolomafara.' The names of those who did not are recorded on a seperate list and kept. The punishment is that when their 'kɔnyɔn' rolls around, no one will give them a gift. The threat of this, as well as the embarrassment of being on the list, is a huge deterrent. At the end of the day, people hustled to make sure they were saved from this fate.
'Wulafɛ' (Late Afternoon)
Blessing of the fabric
Amongst the standard gifts given to the new couple by the groom's family are about 15 pieces of assorted fabric and clothing. During the late afternoon, the 'kɔnyɔncɛw,' whom have been sitting with the groom all day, pick up this fabric, wearing it over their shoulders, on their heads, and carrying it. They walk over to the 'cɛkɔrɔbaw,' who are seated someone in the village on rugs, to show them the fabric. The 'cɛkɔrɔbaw' then basically say 'those are very nice pieces of fabric,' then they offer a series of blessings over the marriage.
Additional payment to the wife's family
Later on in the afternoon, the 'kɔnyɔnbɛnaw' head back over to the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw' to deliver 50,000 CFA (approximately $100). This money was raised by the groom's family to be delivered to the wife's family. This money is, of course, in addition to the money that was paid to the wife's family prior to the wedding, which varies in amount. The men of the wife's family, the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw,' take turns counting out the money to verify that the amount is correct. They then walk over to the 'cɛkɔrɔbaw'of the groom's family, where they offer blessings to the 'kɔnyɔndencɛw' before they return to their village to deliver the money to the bride's father.
The 'gita' (traditional music performed by the women of the wife's family)
Late in the afternoon, women from the wife's family gather a several instruments and head over to the 'kɔnyɔncɛ' (the groom), still at this point walled up in the 'kɔnyɔnso.' These instruments include a percussive calabash which women, kneeling over it on the ground, play by beating it bare-handed. There is also one or more calabashes, also sawed in half, but with shells stitched with string along the perimeter of the calabash. Women take turns passing these calabashes around in a circle as each tosses it in the air, back and forth, creating a steady, hypnotic rhythm. Throughout the performance, the women all sing their traditional songs.
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| Women from my village performing the 'gita' for a 'kɔnyɔncɛ' in an adjacent village. Since I was from the bride's village, I came to this wedding as a 'kɔnyɔndencɛ.' |
Moving the new couple into their new house
Around 4PM, following the 'gita,' the 'kɔnyɔncɛw,' including the groom, then leave the 'kɔnyɔnso' for the wife's new house, which the groom had to build for her prior to holding the wedding. (I say the wife's new house because traditionally, the men and women still live in seperate houses after marriage. This is due to superstitions regarding fetishes which, despite the Bamanan's conversion to Muslim, still exists. Supposedly if women sleep in the same house as these fetishes, the fetishes can 'ruin' and end up doing great harm, like killing someone. However, due to my village being rather poor, most men do share one house.) The gifts I described above are all taken to the house, and the men begin moving them inside.
The unveiling of the bride
Within the couple's new concession, chairs are arranged in a circle. The 'kɔnyɔncɛw,' as well as any other villagers wanting to take a look, take their seats in these chairs. Three chairs are placed in the center of this circle, as the wait begins for the 'kɔnyɔmuso' and the women to arrive.
Shortly, the 'kɔnyɔnmuso' (bride), still covered from head-to-toe in fabric, is guided to the center chair. Her best friend and her mother or grandmother take the chairs to either side of her.
The 'kɔnyɔncɛw' then ask the mother or grandmother for the name of the bride, and after a few words, ask for her to be unveiled as everyone in the circle excitedly fights for a look. One of the wife's friends then comes over to the bride and removes the veil as the crowd erupts in cheers. On one occassion, the wife was so nervous from the situation that she instantly pulled the fabric back over her head, and had to be coaxed back out over several minutes.
Once the bride is unveiled, she is given a cup of water. She traditionally walks in front of her new husband, kneels down subserviently in front of her, and offers up the cup for him to take a drink. This cup is then passed along the circle for everyone else to take a drink from it.
The 'cɛgananw' vs. 'musotigiw' football game
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| The 'cɛgananw' vs. 'musotigiw' football game. |
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| The 'cɛgananw' celebrating a goal for their side. Naturally, the small children fall into the 'cɛgananw' category. |
Once the bride is unveiled, the bride and groom begin a period of 'house-arrest,' where they are not allowed to leave their house for a pre-designated period of time. Other people, however, can come to visit them at the house at any time, and over the next week, there is usually a large amount of people there at all times chatting over tea, and enjoying 'kɔnyɔn' food at meal times.
The amount of time they are required to stay in the house varies from village to village, and even from 'kin' to 'kin' (neighborhood to neighborhood) within each village. In my village, each 'kin' has a different amount of time, ranging from 1 to 7 days.
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